So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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