I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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