so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
