Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
