T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
