Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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