I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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