There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize