I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
