I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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