We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize