OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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