Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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