Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's Friday. Sex?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
