Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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