grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
