4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
