how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
