My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
