McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
