The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
