I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
