She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
