I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
