Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
