Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I smell like Dick and happiness
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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