If i could tip my vagina, i would.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
