My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
