We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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