Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
