We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
