I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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