it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
