im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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