fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
