I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
