...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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