is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
