if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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