i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
