I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
