OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
