you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
