Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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