You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
