yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
