I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
