I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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