can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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