You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
