She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
