i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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