Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My dick has a subreddit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
