SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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