I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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