i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love having hate sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
