Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
