and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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