So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
someone owes me an orgasm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize