Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
