I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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