it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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