It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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