my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
