Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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