imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
