Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
