He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
