Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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