Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
