he told me I talked like a deaf person
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
