ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
