i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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