Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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