i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
