I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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