i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
