Christians are straight up FREAKS
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
