i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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