i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize