At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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