Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
