Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize