I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
